


Soft & Dark

by kiwa



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Bath Houses, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Just Add Kittens, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sauna, Slow Burn, Sylvain is a bro, Teacher-Student Relationship, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Wet Clothing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 20:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20748068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwa/pseuds/kiwa
Summary: A series of snapshots into the lives of Dimitri and Byleth, slowly showing how they came to fall in love.Ch4 is really good for some reason? Ch1 a bit underwhelming.Will change rating, archive warnings, and tags accordingly. Eventually, more pairings, as well.





	1. Great Tree Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written with a massive headache at 6AM after HOURS of Three Houses research and note taking. Pardon me if this doesn't make any sense to normal people.

"Do you mind if we go this way instead?"

"Do you not wish to eat breakfast this morning?" Dedue asked.

"I'm not really hungry right now. And we're running a bit late, anyway, don't you think?"

Dedue glanced in the direction his liege had motioned in and took a moment to think of why he would want to skip his morning meal--they weren't actually running late. They were early, in fact. The route would take them pass the training grounds before curving into the courtyard and to class. "Are you feeling ill, Your Highness?"

"No, I just want to change things up a bit."

"We are not late." He thought of the training grounds. "Do you want to train before class?"

Dimitri didn't want to sigh. "You... found me out."

"It would be an honor to cross blades with you, Your Highness. Shall we go now?"

"Yes."

Textbooks in hand, they crossed the length of the dormitory, towards the training arena. As they passed by their professor's room, Dimitri did all he could to not gaze obviously in that direction. Dedue noticed this, of course, but either didn't think anything of it, or kept his thoughts to himself.

The pair managed to fit in twenty minutes of training, gaining a bit of a crowd in the process, before needing to leave for class. Fellow students tried to talk to the prince, but Dedue warded them off with a simple, "We are late for class."

* * *

"Okay, that should be it for this morning. Break for lunch and meet up back here for your afternoon tutoring sessions." Byleth slid an owl feather into her textbook, closed it, and then placed it in her tote. With the same fluidity, she brought out another book, flipped it open to a small indented page, and began reading.

Dimitri watched as she went through the motions. That was what it felt like most of the time; like she was just going through the motions. A question he had thought multiple times before in the past two days popped into his mind yet again: Why was she here? It was like she had no interest in them as pupils. He lauded her strength and skill with which she whipped around her blade on the battlefield, but what was she thinking when she accepted the offer to become professor?

* * *

At the end of the month, they won the mock battle. By this time, Dimitri had witnessed first-hand his professor's genuine care for him and his fellow Blue Lion classmates. The one-on-one sessions, the tuning of everyone's studies to match what they were personally good at, and consultations about the future for anyone who dared to ask. Yet still, he felt nothing when it came to her presence. To think of his professor as a being with good intentions yet no feelings made him uneasy. What was she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I didn't realise this until I started a NEW SAVE GAME recently but uhhh so, the prologue takes place on Month 4 day 20, and you don't start teaching full days until the 24th??? I think? So I fixed the time inconsistencies.


	2. Harpstring Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A harmless(?) duel.

Word went round about Dimitri and Dedue's morning training sessions, through guards and students, and eventually made its way to the professor. She called out to them one day, having spotted Dimitri's blonde locks and Dedue's towering stature among a crowd heading to dinner.

"Professor?"

"Evening, Dimitri. Hello, Dedue. Heading to dinner?"

"We are. Would you like to join us?" Dimitri said.

"No, thank you. I'd really just like to talk to you two about something." She looked up at Dedue.

"What would you like to discuss?" Dedue asked.

"Word of mouth says that you two have been squeezing in some extra training time before our morning classes?"

Dimitri stiffened. "That's right, Professor. Is there a problem?"

"No," she replied, shaking her head. "I was wondering if I could tag along next time."

"Why?" Dimitri spoke before he could think. "I mean," he said, "is there a reason why you would like to observe us?" For a moment, he thought he saw the corner of the professor's lips curl into a small smile, but he blinked and it was gone.

"I want to see how my star pupils are doing on their footwork--don't tell anyone I said that, though." While the words themselves were playful, there was no emotion behind them. The combination made him feel uneasy again.

"All right. How about tomorrow morning?" Dimitri said.

"What time?"

"About an hour before class. Dedue and I will stop by on our way to the arena."

"All right, then. I'll see you two tomorrow." With that, she said goodbye and left.

Dimitri had the impulse to wave goodbye, but held himself in check. He looked up at his best friend and said, "We'll have to show the professor our best tomorrow."

"Yes," Dedue replied, giving a slight nod of his head.

The prince did his best to hide his excitement, quickly moving onto the topic of dinner and meeting up with the others.

* * *

The air was moist but chilly as the prince and his retainer passed by the greenhouse on their way to the professor's room at the end of the first floor dorms. Dimitri knocked gently on her door with the back of his fist, fighting the pounding in his ears. He did not sleep well the previous night, plagued once more by the same nightmare that had gone on for years, extending its dark tendrils into the light of morning. He felt ill and didn't feel like training, but he wanted to impress his increasingly mysterious professor.

Byleth swung open the door, leather tote filled with textbooks at hand. "Good morning, Dimitri. Dedue." She bowed her head politely in greeting.

"Morning, Professor."

"Good morning."

She closed her door and looked both boys up and down, then towards the training grounds, which weren't that far off. "Well, after you two."

"Right. Of course." Dimitri led the way, Dedue right behind him, and the professor trailing behind. By the time they arrived, a handful of students had already formed, seemingly eager to watch the two young men train. While Dedue fetched a pair of training swords--dull as a spoon, for safety--Dimitri and the professor stood together across the arena from the onlookers.

"Made some fans, have you?" Byleth said as she set down her bag and leaned against a pillar.

"It seems so," Dimitri replied. He motioned with his head to a group of students looking at the professor and whispering. "So have you, though."

Byleth sighed. "They aren't fans."

"Then what are they?"

"Gossipers. They wish to talk about me without even knowing me. They want to know how good Jeralt's offspring is."

At that moment, Dedue had come back with two training swords. Dimitri took the opportunity to grab both of them and offer one to the professor. "Would you oblige me, then?" Dimitri said.

Byleth stared at the blade, then up at Dedue, who didn't really seem to mind, and then back at the hilt of the sword thrust at her. Without further pause, she grabbed it and swung at the prince. He deflected her blade and thrust forward, but she turned her body and connected their swords. They continued like this for a while. To the untrained eye, it was as if they were taking turns trading blows, but Dedue knew better: Dimitri was having fun.

The chime of the eight o'clock bell resounded throughout the monastery, and a few of the spectators left, but neither combatant looked like they were about to yield.

Through her strikes, Dimitri could tell she was getting desperate. In combat with her, he finally felt something, some kind of emotion or feeling or energy, and he relished in the sensing of it. Too much. He heard whispers in his ear, the voices that haunted him, and he faltered. Byleth landed a kick to his gut, knocking him on his back, and proceeded to climb on top of him. She pinned him to the ground with a knee on his pelvis, sword jabbed uncomfortably into his shoulder.

"Checkmate," she panted, her voice calm and cool.

It was only for a moment but the phantoms of his past were there, in the background, but it was enough. The warmth he felt was gone, replaced with a chilly sweat.

Dedue was by his liege's side within a few strides. Byleth helped Dimitri up, her firm grip contrasting against his shaky one.

"You all right?" Byleth asked.

"I'm fine," Dimitri replied. "Just winded." This wasn't a lie. While the reason may be different, he certainly was winded.

"I'll help you walk back to class," she said but Dimitri shrugged off her touch.

"It's all right. I'm fine. Let's just go. We are late."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote it and posted it sorry not sorry lmk if you spot mistakes please


	3. Garland Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dimitri gives Byleth a birthday gift, and she repays him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, wrote and posted. without review ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ if you see mistakes, leave a note in the comments

"When is your birthday, Professor?" Dimitri asked. The late afternoon sun shone through the classroom's frosted glass windows as a warm summer breeze drifted through the open doors. Students chatted outside in the courtyard against a backdrop of chirping crickets.

Byleth stopped writing on the chalkboard and turned to face the boy. "Garland Moon, 29th Day," she said.

Dimitri's eyes brightened. "It's coming up, then."

"It is," she agreed.

Dimitri returned to his thoughts and, without further questions, the professor continued their private tutoring session.

* * *

On the 29th day of Garland Moon, Dimitri sought out the professor. After an exhaustive search through the training grounds, courtyard, reception hall, the offices, and the library, he finally found her with Ashe and Sylvain in the dining hall. They were discussing tomorrow's assignment.

"So our route has us go through this forest," she said.

Ashe nodded.

"Hm." She stared at the terrain map, eyeing it with scrutiny. "Field into forest... Sylvain, I think I'd like you to go mage for this. If you do, our new formation should look like this..." She scribbled something down on a napkin with charcoal.

Sylvain leaned closer to the professor to get a better view, slyly resting a hand on her back as he did so. "Sure," he said, "Can't promise I'll be any good, though."

Byleth looked at the redhead, stoicism all over her face. "In battle, you will be forced to fight your best."

Dimitri took this opportunity to interrupt them. "Reviewing the mission without me?" Dimitri teased.

"The professor and I were just going over it again. Would you like to join us?" Ashe said.

"_ Again _?" Sylvain said. This was a surprise to him, too, apparently.

"Ashe has been helping me get a lay of the land in Gaspard territory," the professor explained.

"You don't really think we're going to see combat, do you?" Sylvain said.

The professor thought for a moment. "Seteth did say to be ready for anything. And I'm good at this. It's... fun."

"Actually, do you mind if I borrow the professor for a moment, Ashe?"

Ashe shook his head. "Go ahead," he said with a smile. He knew what Dimitri was up to, since he helped chip in.

Byleth cocked her head inquisitively. "Do you need something, Dimitri?"

"Could you meet me by the entrance? I need to speak with Sylvain for a moment." Once she was out of earshot, Dimitri turned his sights to the redhead. "Keep your hands off her, please? She's our professor. I don't want a scandal."

Sylvain threw his hands up innocently. "I did nothing."

"I'm sure you didn't. Now, if you two will excuse me." He joined the professor by the entrance, pulling out a letter from his breast pocket and handing it to her.

"A letter?" she said.

He fastened a brooch to her collar, just above her cloak clasp, and smiled. "Happy birthday, Professor."

Byleth fingered the trinket for a moment before looking up at Dimitri, the corners of her mouth curling upwards. Barely, just barely, she smiled.

Her expression, though it was minimal, warmed him. He felt something inside him, like a tiny flower's bud. But he didn't know what the feeling was so he brushed it aside and switched mental gears. "The whole class pitched in," he said. "It's a silver lion's head. So now everyone will know you're our professor, if they didn't know before already."

"I love it," she said. "Thank you." She gave him a reaffirming pat on his shoulder. "Now, I have to get back to work. I'll see you later."

"You're very welcome. I'll let you get back to it," Dimitri said and nodded. He watched her join his fellow Blue Lions, for a moment wishing to join them, but he knew he wouldn't add much to the conversation. Ashe and Sylvain were enough. His smile faded, he turned and left.

* * *

Late that evening, Dimitri was in his room studying cavalry formations when someone knocked on his door.

"Who is it?" he called.

"It's me."

Dimitri went for the door immediately. "Good evening, Professor," he said. She wore her cloak, but when she reached her hand out he caught a glimpse of her night shirt underneath. Pink dusted his cheeks and he moved his hand to cover his face.

"I know it's late," she began, handing out a wreath of white roses to him, "but I wanted to give this to you before the day was over."

His mind still muddled, he accepted the gift. Petals had clearly fallen off, and there were still some thorns on the woven stems, like trimming them was an after-thought. He could tell this wasn't something the professor normally did. "Thank you very much," he said.

"I was talking with Annette and Mercedes over tea this afternoon. I was looking for a way to repay you, and they suggested I do this. I'm sorry it's not very well done. I haven't done this kind of thing before."

"That's quite all right. It's a wonderful gift. But you know, that brooch is from the entire Blue Lions class, not just myself."

"I know," she said. "I've already come up with a small way to repay everyone. It's just... Annette said you were the one who came up with the idea, so I thought I'd do a little extra for you."

Dimitri smiled. "It's very thoughtful of you."

"All right. Well, that's all. Have a good night, Dimitri. Big day tomorrow."

"Good night, Professor." When she was out of sight, he closed his door as quietly as possible and set the wreath on his desk. He fell back in his chair and stared at his gift from the professor. 

While it was indeed Garland Moon, a time when such occurrences happened, he hadn't expected to receive one from his professor. He wasn't sure of what to do with it, so he left it on his desk. He climbed into bed and for once in a long time wasn't afraid to fall asleep. That didn't stop his nightmares from returning, however.

* * *

The morning of their march into Gaspard lands, Dimitri left his door open as he finalized his pack. Dedue waited for him in the hallway, his haversack on the floor by his feet. As the prince was contemplating whether or not to bring a leather shield or a steel shield, Sylvain passed by the open door, glanced in, and whistled.

"What is that?" he said.

Dimitri looked up at the redhead with raised brows. "What is what?"

Sylvain helped himself into the prince's room and picked up the browning wreath. "Is this a garland from a girl?"

"I would prefer if you didn't touch it," Dimitri said. He took back the wreath and placed it on the console under the window.

"You're not going to hang it?" Sylvain said.

The thought hadn't occurred to Dimitri. "No. I don't know where I would put it."

Sylvain gave a look around the room. "Why not above your bed?"

Dimitri followed his friend's line of sight. "It does seem like a practical place to hang it up."

Sylvain suddenly leaned close to Dimitri's ear. "So you can think of her when you you-know-what," he whispered, and laughed when the prince's face turned pink.

"Don't make those types of jokes, Sylvain," Dimitri said.

"Anyway, I'll see you two later," he said as he waved goodbye.

Dimitri was silent for a while.

"Would you like help putting up the wreath, Your Highness?"

"Please, if you could, Dedue."

"I'll go find some nails." Dedue picked up his sack and left.

Dimitri stood by the wooden console, his ungloved fingers brushing against the browning petals. On a whim he plucked one, tucked it in a handkerchief, and then stuffed it in his coat pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dimitri doesn't know why he's doing these things ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ frankly, I don't know why, either


	4. Verdant Rain Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they gaze at the stars and soak in the steam.

Dimitri stared up at the dried wreath of white roses above his bed, the image of his professor wielding the Sword of the Creator burned into his mind. He was always thinking about her, day and night. She spoke so little about herself, and rarely did she express any feelings whatsoever. Was she incapable of such aspects of humanity? He witnessed her smile once, however faint it was, and it had stirred something within him. He stretched out his hand as if grasping at her fading visage. Every day, every month, he felt like she was getting further from him. An overwhelming desire to simply hold her came over him and his face felt hot.

He was conflicted. He felt like he was chasing after her without ever really getting closer. He wanted to know more about her, to hold her, but being around her intimidated him. She was a beast on the battlefield, but she was also cold and collected. She never held back when facing down her enemies and he truly admired her because of this. His affections for her grew and it felt like an eclipse above him. Unable to shake the strange desires that held him, he pushed himself up and out of bed. He slipped on a cloak, a pair of half-boots, and left his room.

He wandered the monastery grounds for a while, looking up at the cloudless sky as guiltless stars sparkled like diamonds strewn across blue velvet before him. He continued this aimless night journey until he reached the bridge between the reception building and the cathedral. A caped figure stood about halfway down the way, looking out into the rigid abyss that was the mountain valley at night. The usually lush evergreens weren't visible in this shade of darkness but their smell after the rain still permeated the air. He noticed the figure's boots were identical to the professor's and he thought back to that night she gave him the wreath of white roses. He pictured her nightshirt and his face reddened. Before he could call out to her, she leaped onto the barricade and peered down into the black depths. Dimitri lunged forward, grabbing her by the cloak and pulling hard. The force with which he yanked was so strong he heard fabric tear as she fell on top of him. She pulled back her hood, releasing her dark green tresses.

"Dimitri?" she said.

"Professor," he panted. "What were you thinking?"

"I just wanted to get a better view," she claimed.

He sighed. "What if there was a wind gust and you had fallen?"

Byleth remained silent.

Dimitri sighed again, his chest aching. "I was so... _ worried_. If something were to happen to you..." His body shook. "Please don't do that again."

"I'm sorry," Byleth said. "I didn't realise you cared so much. I promise I won't do it again."

Dimitri felt like their roles had been reversed and for a moment Byleth was like a meek child. "Thank you," he said and released his grip.

She stood and inspected her cloak. "Hmm."

"I think I ripped it," he said.

"You did." She grabbed his hand and guided him to the tear.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"It's okay," she said. "I can ask Mercedes to mend it."

"I'll buy you a new one. Please, I insist."

Byleth shrugged her shoulders. "Fine," she said. "Come, stand next to me." She reached her hand out and helped him up. His grip loosened but she didn't let go. "Hold my hand like this, okay?" She pulled him close enough that their shoulders touched.

"All right," he mumbled, his voice a little shaky. Together, they peered into the dark valley below as his heart pounded in his chest.

* * *

A horrible, hideous rain came down the next day. When morning classes ended, most students didn't want to make the run from the reception hall to the entrance hall--literally the shortest route to get from the classrooms to the dining hall while remaining covered--and instead decided to wait out the rain. The 2nd floor lounge filled first, then the knight's hall. Everyone else crowded into the reception hall until it became a cacophonous mob of students.

Dimitri, not wanting to miss out on his training but also disliking the crowd of the knight's hall, braved the rain and exercised in the open air training grounds anyway.

By evening the rain had stopped and most students had returned to their dorms. He looked up at the cloudy sky as the heavy black and gold doors closed behind him. He thought of the night before, the brightness of the sky above and the abyss below. He thought of the time he spent with his professor, in silence and in conversation. As they _ held hands _ in the darkness.

As he passed by the bath house he heard a soft mewing. It wasn't unusual to hear the calls of cats and dogs around the monastery, but this time it was accompanied by a familiar emotionless voice:

"Do you like the chicken? I'm fond of it myself, too."

"Professor?" Dimitri called as he ascended the stairs.

Byleth, who was on her knees by the well, turned. Her eyes seemed to light up but maybe he was imagining things. "I found kittens," she said.

"There are many around the monastery." He joined her by the well and looked down at her lap. Five tiny kittens, probably just a few weeks old, mewed up at her. She looking up at him and they looking up at her, he found the scene a bit too cute for him.

"I don't know where their mother is. I've canvassed the entire area and haven't seen her." She looked down at the tiny creatures in her lap. "I don't think they had adequate shelter from the rainstorm today."

It was then when he realised how soaked she was. Her cloak dripped freely and her socks drooped to her ankles; her bangs stuck to her forehead and the odd tendril of hair clung to her cheeks and neck. "You went looking in the rain?"

She nodded. "I did."

"Let's get you inside. Quick. You'll catch a cold like this." He wanted to wrap his cape around her but it was also wet. He wanted to offer her something.

"Could you lend me your cape?" she asked.

He relinquished it immediately.

"Thanks." She took it and bundled the kittens in it. "My room's right around the corner," she said, as if Dimitri didn't already know. Inside her room, she lit the candles and set the kittens down on her bed. Dimitri watched as his professor emptied a box of books, grabbed a thick quilt from a console drawer and stuffed it in the box. She then placed the kittens one by one into the padded enclosure. "That'll do for now. They were so cold. Hopefully they warm up."

Hovering by the door, Dimitri hazarded a step deeper into Byleth's room. He had never been inside before and he was overwhelmed by her scent. "I'm more of a dog person, but I still hope those kittens turn out all right."

Byleth nodded. "Doesn't matter what your preference is: it doesn't take much to help out animals in need." She paused. "You like lions, right?"

Dimitri nodded.

"Well, aren't cats just small lions?"

"I... guess you're right."

"Anyway—" she shook her head "—let's head to the bath house now."

His face warmed. "Pardon me?"

"Not in the same bath, of course," she said. "Earlier you said I would catch a cold--well, look at you. You're just as soaked as I am. Let's warm up together."

"Professor, maybe you shouldn't use the word _ together _ like that. It could cause misunderstandings."

She thought about it for a moment. "All right. _ Let's warm up at the same time _."

He couldn't refuse her.

Leaving the kittens to rest in their makeshift kitty pen, the pair left for the bath house. Inside, he leaned against the towel rack, his heart pounding. What was she thinking? There was no way she didn't understand the implications of what they were doing. But then again, why did he accept her suggestion? Why did he often just go along with what she wanted? He quickly showered and changed into a towel, unable to look away from the flimsy wooden wall that separated them. He couldn't not imagine her on the other side, towel wrapped around her body, hot steam reddening her cheeks... He splashed cold water on his face, combed his hair back with his fingers, and stepped into the hot water. He sat near the dividing wall and drooped his head down, closing his eyes.

"Dimitri?"

His eyes startled open. For a moment it was like she was really there. "What is it, Professor?"

"Nothing. Just wanted to make sure you were there. Relax, okay? Nothing is going to happen here."

He assumed she was on the other side of the wall and was glad there was no one else there. He rested his head back against the divider and smiled. "Thank you, Professor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk why they call it a "sauna" when it's clearly a bath house/hot spring ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ btw, my Byleth wears the academy uniform pre-timeskip and then her usual clothes post-timeskip. Just a fyi.


	5. Red Wolf Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dimitri has caught a cold, forcing him to slow down and spend some time thinking about his feelings for Byleth after witnessing her genuine smile after the mock battle at Gronder Field.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after a weekend break playing Code Vein, I come back with this ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ no edits. and Sylvain is such a bro!! lmk if you spot mistakes

"Could you move those sprouts over here, Dedue?" Byleth said, wiping her face of sweat and leaving a trail of dirt in its wake. She dug a hole with her spade and exhaled slowly. "Thanks. Did they give us the correct mixture this time?"

Dedue examined a burlap sack. "No."

Byleth sighed. "Again?"

Dedue watched as his professor stood, pulled off her gloves, and called over one of the gardeners. He thought she looked cross.

After her chat with the gardener, she came back to Dedue and said, "They said the next shipment should be arriving tomorrow, so... Well, these poor sprouts. They've been in their containers for so long, maybe one more day won't hurt?" She took out her ponytail and combed through it with her fingers.

"Is that not what they said last time, too?"

"You're right... but that gardener, right there—" she pointed "—she guaranteed us the mixture we requested. It's in high demand, apparently."

"I guess there's nothing else we can do, then."

They packed up their area and went for lunch. They sat across from each other at a table at the end of the hall, trays of food in front of them.

"I've been really busy lately so I've been meaning to ask, since you're so close with him... How is Dimitri? He didn't look well yesterday during class," Byleth asked.

"He has a cold."

"Oh, that's no good. He's still attending lectures, though?"

"I cannot get him to rest."

"We have bandits to clear out on Tuesday," Byleth said. "Do you think he'll get better by then?"

Dedue shook his head. "Not without rest."

"What are his duties today and tomorrow?"

"Dishwashing."

Byleth looked down at her food for a moment, thinking, and then back up at the young man. "I'll do them. Tell him not to worry, and to get some rest."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course! I'd do anything for my students."

Dedue bowed his head in thanks. "I will tell him."

* * *

Dimitri slept the entire afternoon into evening. When he woke up, he realised Dedue hadn't come for him and he was probably late for evening duty. He felt lethargic, but figured he'd rather go late than not at all. He tried to get out of bed but his muscles ached. He thought about training but his body was begging him not to. He stretched his arms and sat at the edge of his bed for a while, thinking back on the Battle of the Eagle and the Lion--which they won, of course.

_ "You look so happy. I love you like this." _ He had said those words, and more, without thinking after the battle. She had smiled, a real smile, and it had made something inside of him bloom. He remembered how stoic she was when she first arrived, and how much she unnerved him. But over time their bond grew and he felt vastly different about her these days. New urges swelled up within him since that day at Gronder Field--since he saw her smile. He wanted to hold her hand, to embrace her, to kiss her.

He was appalled at his desires. He called them feelings of admiration, but it didn't feel right. He wanted to spend time with her, get to know her better, and train with her; all hallmarks of admiration that he has felt before. But the new experiences, the physical desires and reactions. He suspected of what it could be, but didn't want to admit anything. Determined to solve his internal conflict, he visited the only person he felt was knowledgeable about such occurrences.

Sylvain answered the door immediately. He looked down at his ill prince and raised his brows. "Well, either you're not as sick as Dedue made you seem to be or you're holding up better than I thought you would."

Dimitri sighed as he leaned himself against the doorframe. "Never mind that. I have something I need to discuss with you."

Sylvain shook his head. "As much as I want to hear about whatever it is you want to talk about, I think it's better if you recovered some more first."

Besides his sniffling, Dimitri was silent. He didn't move from his leaning position against the doorframe so Sylvain gave in. "Okay, look. How about I help you get better _ while _ we talk?"

His curiosity piqued, Dimitri said, "What do you have in mind?"

Sylvain grinned. "The sauna." He gripped the prince by his shoulders and guided him down the hall.

"I can't take too long. I still have things to do—"

"You don't have to worry about that. Dedue and the professor are going to do your duties until you're better."

"What!" He struggled against the redhead but he quickly tired himself out and their pace slowed.

"Like I said, don't worry about it. Everyone's been worried about you."

"But those are my responsibilities."

"The professor personally told me and Felix to make sure you were resting. Just my luck that you came to me."

"The professor talked to you?"

"Mhm."

"What did she say?"

"She said, _'he should value his wellbeing more' _ , and _ 'he works too hard' _."

Dimitri didn't reply, and remained silent until they reached the bath house.

Sylvain cleared out the handful of students that were occupying the sauna, claiming, "His Highness is sick and seeks redemption." Dimitri wanted to object but his will to fight was diminished by his weakened state. Sylvain set a cold towel on the prince's head before taking a seat a few scoots over.

The heat sank into the two young men, calming them.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Sylvain said.

Dimitri explained his desires and feelings in a slow, deliberate manner. He explained how seeing the professor's genuine smile ruptured something inside him and now he was bleeding feelings and inappropriate thoughts. When he stopped talking he felt exhausted. He was glad his nose wasn't running anymore, though.

Sylvain rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't get it. What are you hoping to get out of talking with me? It looks like you already know how you feel and stuff."

"I don't," Dimitri said and sighed. "She's our professor. I want to believe I just greatly admire her." He removed the now warm towel from his head, combed his hair back with his fingers, and looked over at his friend. "You look at me with disbelief. Are these feelings what I'm afraid they are? It was not like this before. I've never felt these... _ physical _ desires before. Am I unclean? Is this just _ lust _?"

Sylvain couldn't look Dimitri in the eyes so he stared down at the floor. He rested his elbows on his knees and entwined his fingers. "I can't label how you feel because I don't know what it's like to feel that way. Not completely, anyway. How you describe it, though, is what I'd call love. You shouldn't feel dirty because of your physical desires. It's normal to want to be intimate with the person you deeply care about. You don't just want to sleep with her, right?"

"Of course not," Dimitri replied immediately.

"I think you have the answer to your own question, then, Your Highness."

After a little while, they washed themselves off and headed back to the dorm. While he didn't feel completely better, the sauna did leave him feeling more refreshed than before. As they passed by the gardens, Dimitri stopped. "Could we take a detour?"

Sylvain had a good idea what the prince had in mind. He shook his head. "We should head back to the dorms quickly. It's getting colder these nights and your hair is still damp."

Dimitri frowned. "I want to thank them."

"You can do that tomorrow," Sylvain said. Neither of them moved, the prince's determination evident. "Fine."

"Thank you."

They drifted through the gardens and into the dining hall, where Dedue and the professor were already finishing up.

"Your Highness," Dedue said and joined the two young men. "Your hair is wet..." He glared at Sylvain while he spoke. "I thought I told Sylvain not to let you out."

Sylvain shrugged, feigning guiltiness. "The sauna cures colds, you know."

"Don't blame him, Dedue. I wanted to take a walk, stretch my legs."

"If Your Highness says so," Dedue said. "But your hair is wet."

Dimitri attempted a smile. "I also made the decision to come here after we visited the sauna. I wanted to thank you and the professor for taking my shift today. It allowed me some extra time to rest and think about some things." He glanced over at the professor, who was wiping down the counters by herself. She didn't seem to be paying attention, but he knew she was.

"I see," Dedue said. "Professor and I are almost done. Please, head back early."

Sylvain chimed in next. "Actually, Dedue, I think His Highness feels much better now, after the sauna. I'm sure he has some questions to ask the professor, since he was too sick yesterday to pay attention to the lecture." He stared straight on at Dedue, trying to convey a message with his eyes.

"I think that's a great idea," Dimitri said. "You two head back. I'll wait for the professor."

Dedue wanted to object, but he wasn't blind to what was going on. "Understood. Let's go, Sylvain."

"Good luck, Your Highness," Sylvain whispered and followed Dedue out the door.

When they were alone, Dimitri took a seat at the nearest table, rested his head in his palm, and watched Byleth rinse out a cloth.

"You're pretty lively. You really sick?" she said. He loved how the tone of her voice and the words she spoke actually connected to sound playful. He smiled at her.

"I am feeling better now. The sauna helped."

"Hm. Must have been a simple cold, then." She paused. "I hope you feel well enough to battle on Tuesday."

"I will be. I promise."

She almost laughed. She hung up the towels to dry and blew out all the lamps. "You ready to go?" she said as she slid her cloak over her shoulders.

Dimitri could hear his heartbeat in his ears and was afraid Byleth could hear. He stood up and held out his hand. For a moment she stared at his gesture, making his nerves increase, but she quickly smiled and took it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i brought in the sauna anyway after complaining last time ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	6. Ethereal Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain and Dimitri on stable duty; Dimitri takes Byleth out for dinner (after their B-rank support).

"What are you going to do about the professor?" Sylvain asked.

Dimitri looked up from his horse, brush in hand. He thought back to his conversation with her after Remire village, how he had told her his true reason for attending the Officer's Academy was revenge. It left his mouth dry. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you've realised your feelings for her," Sylvain began, "so what's your next step?"

"Nothing."

Sylvain stopped cleaning the water trough to look over at his prince, genuinely surprised. "Huh? Why?"

Dimitri sighed. "I've recognized my feelings so I can control them now."

"You're in love with her but you won't make a move? I don't understand." He shook his head. "I'm not sure if you know this or not, but there are a lot of men _ and _ women who have major crushes on the professor. Even from other classes. I bet some knights, too. You probably have until the end of the year to have any chance whatsoever."

"If you were in my position, I have no doubt that is what you would do. I've said this before, Sylvain: I don't want a scandal."

"So, what, you're going to wait until after graduation?"

"No."

"No? That's it? You're not going to do anything?"

Dimitri stood and stared Sylvain straight in the face. "Even if I were to tell her my feelings, now or later, there's no point. I don't deserve that kind of happiness." His words hung in the air, a sense of bitterness to them that made Sylvain feel lonely.

"Wait... what are you saying?"

Dimitri couldn't help but laugh at himself. "I can't promise her anything. My goals take precedent." He took a deep breath. "She knows that now. So please don't try to goad me into taking action with jealous urgency when there's no action to even take." He held his head in his hands and rubbed the space between his brows. "I'm sorry, Sylvain, but I have a headache. Can I leave the rest of stable duty to you?"

"Y-yeah, sure."

"Thank you."

Dimitri's diminishing visage as he sauntered off reminded Sylvain of a wounded animal.

* * *

After their conversation at the training grounds, Dimitri delivered on his word and took Byleth out for an early dinner. They went into town, arms locked and mouths chatty. They picked an eatery Byleth said Ashe had suggested, and sat across from each other in a corner of the hall. He told her to order whatever she wanted, and she did, getting a vegetable pasta salad.

Dimitri gave her a look. "You're not going to order meat?" He fully expected her to go all out.

Byleth shook her head. "I overheard Ashe and Mercedes talking about it the other day." She drummed her fingers along the edge of the table as she surveyed the faces of the other eatery patrons. "I wanted to try it, but it's always sold out whenever the dining hall serves it."

Dimitri smiled. "You're quite in luck, then."

She looked at him and smiled back. "Yes!"

He took a deep breath, calming himself, as he stared at her curved lips. He pulled his eyes away from her, willing to look at anything that would help distract him. They talked about the people in town, the orphans they were training together, and how the kittens were doing.

"So they're all gone now?" he asked.

"No, there's one left."

"Just one?" He took a bite of his food. _ Tasteless _. Not like he was expecting anything different, though.

"Yes. He attacks everyone but me these days." She sighed. "I'm worried he'll never be adopted."

"I'm sure you'll find someone," he said.

They finished their meals while talking about methods for keeping the unused chapel safe. Perimeters, patrols, drills. They weighed their options carefully. When they finished, Dimitri paid the bill and she thanked him.

In the chilly night air of late autumn, they wrapped themselves in furs and let their feet lead them. While Dimitri tried bringing back the topic of their assignment, Byleth's mind seemed elsewhere. He didn't want to pry, but she seemed in deep thought and he was curious. They stopped at one of the many landings that dotted the staircase up the monastery. She rested a hand on the brick barricade as they watched the town's narrow streets slowly brighten, their gloved fingers entwined and their exhales like little white clouds.

"Professor?" Dimitri said, doing his best to gently squeeze her hand for her attention.

"Hm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Oh," she sighed. "I was remembering that morning we first met. How it rained the night before. We were all covered in mud."

"I remember," he said.

"You and Edelgard were so quick to try recruiting me," she laughed.

"I admit, looking back on it, I do feel a little embarrassed."

"Don't be. I'm used to people being impressed with my battle prowess. I was more shocked to hear you guys were royals."

"You didn't give any emotion away, even then."

The corners of her mouth pulled down. They were silent for a while, and then she said, "You said before, after Gronder Field, that I used to make you uncomfortable--because of my _ lack of humanity _."

Dimitri regretted using those choice of words back then.

"Do you know what they used to call me? Before I came here."

He shook his head.

"Ashen Demon. Others in the company would try talking with me after battle, but I guess I always warded them away. Usually it was newcomers, but they always blended in with everyone else eventually. I couldn't recognise people--only my father. My entire past is hazy; it's just bits and pieces jumping out at me. I don't even know when my birthday is."

Dimitri tilted his head. "Why did you tell me it was Garland Moon, 29th day?"

"That's what I _ decided _ it to be."

"Is there a special reason?" he asked and for a second he thought pink brushed her cheeks. But it was probably the cold.

"White roses are my favorite."

"Really?"

"Yeah. They're like a blank slate. They're pure, conceptual, impressionable. I always thought they were kind of like... Hm."

"Like you?"

She looked up at him, eyes wide and lips sucked in. Surprised, but also pensive. "Yeah," she said. "Sort of. I knew what they called me and I knew why. Still, I wished they had called me something else. _ White Rose_, or something like that. It's silly, and childish, but I couldn't help it, you know?" She laughed and smiled but he didn't believe her.

"It's not silly, or childish. You did not like how you were perceived so you made something up yourself. In fact, I think it might have helped in shaping who you are today. There is power in defining yourself."

"It's just a nickname, though," she said. "And I never told anyone before, so it's not like making it up helped me at all." They both turned their gazes back down at the town. She squeezed his hand and leaned her head against his shoulder. "But I think... being here, with the Blue Lions class, helped. Interacting with everyone, fighting alongside you all... I can _ feel _ the change. You've probably helped me change the most, so, thank you. For everything."

He smiled as happiness warmed him. There were no urges or desires, simply contentedness. He was in control of himself, unlike before, and could remain calm around her. His heart drummed loudly in his chest but that was to be expected--he was with his beloved, and he doubted the feeling would ever change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to say about this chapter. I half followed the tea time ideal topics and half let it write itself. I struggle with them being intimate yet retaining some sort of distance, as they are still teacher-student; I struggle with Dimitri being in love but also consciously putting his self-appointed "duty" above all else, and I think he struggles with that, too. I don't think Sylvain fully comprehends the weight his prince has put upon himself, maybe because he doesn't want to. Does that make him any less of a friend? I don't think so. People don't drag their friends into madness with them, and I think Sylvain is smart enough to at least know that.
> 
> There are some dark chapters ahead.


	7. Ethereal Moon 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Byleth couldn't so easily find her reason for living?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really hard to write. I got distracted easily and had to keep coming back to it. My mother had an unexpected death a few years ago, so I'm sensitive to parental death in media, especially when the main characters are around the age I was. It's hard to express my dissatisfaction with how Byleth's grief was handled. I know not everyone handles death the same way, but you'd figure, right? Anyway, this is just my two cents about it. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter c:

Classes were suspended for a week following the incident at the unused chapel.

A few days after the incident at the chapel, Dimitri sat at his desk, a textbook in front of him but unable to focus, his mind swirling with thoughts. He worried about Byleth, if she was taking care of herself. He knew what came with the territory of losing a parent suddenly, and he cared for her, deeply. He didn't want her to experience that pain. He had closed the textbook and slid it on his desk shelf when there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" he said as he stood.

"It's Ashe."

Dimitri raised a brow and opened the door. "Evening, Ashe. What brings you up here so late?"

"It's the professor," Ashe said.

Dimitri's gut plummeted. He cleared his throat to hide his discomfort and said, "Did something happen?" He was already slipping on a fur cloak.

"I don't know," he replied. "Dedue said he heard a noise and she won't answer when we call." They moved down the hallway as quietly but as urgently as they could.

"Did you alert a guard?"

"Dedue said to bring you first, Your Highness."

They remained silent the rest of the way. As they approached the professor's room, Dimitri spotted Dedue sitting on some nearby crates, who stood to greet them.

"Your Highness," Dedue said, "I am sorry to disturb you so late. I was worried about the professor."

"Think nothing of it, Dedue." Dimitri turned his attention to the professor's door. "I'm worried, as well. Please, tell me what happened."

"I woke up to a sound from the professor's room. It was a thud, like something had fallen over. I knocked on her door and called to her, but there was no answer."

"I see," Dimitri said. "Thank you for getting me. You two may return to your rooms."

Ashe quietly left but Dedue remained. "I will stay and keep watch, Your Highness."

Dimitri smiled, placing a hand on Dedue's shoulder. "Thank you." He stepped up to Byleth's door and knocked. "Professor? Are you all right?" He placed his ear to the door and, though faint, could hear a cat's mewing. "Professor, I'm coming in."

Dedue watched calmly as Dimitri gripped the doorknob, broke it, and disappeared within, closing the door behind him.

Inside was cold and dark but he could make out the black shadows of books scattered across the floor. He stood still for a while, letting his eyes adjust, and eventually spotted Byleth huddled in a far corner of the room. He crossed their distance with long strides, wanting to be by her side as quickly as possible. He noticed scraps of food next to her body and assumed it was the kitten trying to feed her. "Professor," he said and moved next to her. He wrapped his fur cloak over her body and an arm around her shoulders.

They sat like that for a while. He rubbed her upper arm in an attempt to warm her up as he listened to her breathing, slow and calm as if she were sleeping. After some time, she stirred. Their eyes met and he finally saw how puffy they were. She had been crying. "Dimitri..." she said.

"What happened, Professor?"

"I tried," she said. "I looked and I looked... but I can't find what I'm living for." She took a few sharp breaths in before letting out a few quiet sobs, her chest heaving.

He pulled her closer, tucking her head under his chin and wrapping his other arm around her. The thick fur cloak hid her shape but he knew she was there, within his embrace. "It's okay. You will find one. Give it some more time. It's only been two days."

She sniffled. "I'm thinking about leaving the monastery."

"Now?"

She shook her head. "After graduation." She took a deep breath in, trying to calm herself. "I'll see you all off... and then I, too, will go. Maybe that will be how I find my reason for living."

Dimitri didn't know what to say. This was her life, her decision. He had no right to sway her any which way just because he didn't want her to disappear.

She sighed. "I never even imagined a world without him. I can't stop thinking... that I never showed enough gratitude. People keep telling me how much I meant to him, but I never told him how much  _ he  _ meant to  _ me _ . The last thing he saw were my tears, and it made him  _ happy _ ." She sighed again, rougher this time, with frustration and regret and sadness.

He could tell Byleth was exhausted, from the way her voice occasionally cracked to the way her head drooped as if asleep. He caressed her hair with his fingers as he said, against his better judgement, "How about joining me in Fhirdiad?"

"Huh?" She pulled away and looked up at him. "Fhirdiad?"

"If you do not wish to stay here, then come with me to the capitol. You already know of my duty, my goal. It can be yours, as well. We can seek revenge for the fallen together."

"What would I do, even?"

"Be my adviser."

Her silence was melancholic. She laid her head back on his chest and listened to his rapid heartbeat, how it banged around in his rib cage. She felt him breathe, the soft rising and falling of his body as his arms wrapped around her. She was calm.

Nervous, Dimitri added, "You would not have to stay forever, of course. Just until you found your own reason. For living."

"I'll go with you," she said.

He breathed in, deeply, catching the scent of her hair. "Thank you."

After a while, Byleth eventually fell asleep. Dimitri laid her in her bed, making sure to wrap her up in multiple blankets as well as his fur cloak, before joining Dedue outside.

"Is she all right?" Dedue asked, his eyes full of concern.

Dimitri didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure how to explain what had just transpired, how close their bodies had been or that she would be joining them in Fhirdiad, so he just nodded and said, "She's asleep."

"Good."

Dimitri glanced back at the broken lock. She would have no privacy, no safety. "Stay here. I'll ask Mercedes if the professor can stay with her for the night."

Dedue nodded and watched as his liege disappeared into the night. He wasn't blind to the prince's affections for their professor. In fact, he had known for months now, perhaps before the prince realised it himself. Dedue was weary of the professor in the beginning, gauging whether or not she would be a positive influence for his prince. These days, however, he saw clear signs of her feelings for his liege. Whether either had realised anything beyond their own emotional bubble, Dedue was content to wait and see.

* * *

Byleth woke up covered with blankets and furs in an unfamiliar bed--an unfamiliar room. Mercedes sat at her desk, softly humming a tune while working on a cross-stitch project.

"Mercedes..?" Byleth said, sitting up.

The older woman turned around, her brows furrowed with worry. "Oh, you're up. How are you feeling, Professor?"

"Exhausted," she replied, rubbing the sleep from her face. "What happened? Is this your room? Why am I here?"

Mercedes smiled softly at the rapidfire questions. "Something happened last night and the lock on your door was broken, so His Highness asked if you could stay here for the night." She put down her cross-stitch and scooted closer to the bed. She brushed a few stray hairs from her face and Byleth thought she was beautiful. "This might be too soon, but... Are you all right?"

Byleth looked away from Mercedes and down at her lap, watching her hands clench and unclench as if grasping for threads to sew together a coherent sentence. She sucked on her bottom lip, biting back the threat of tears that stung her eyes. She thought about her father, about the moment that, even after she had turned back time, he was still lost to her. The moment replayed in her mind's eye, over and over, the pain like a stake in her chest. "No," she said. "I don't feel okay at all." Teardrops fell from her eyes as she blinked rapidly. She should have done something. She should have kept trying, perhaps turn back even further. She shook her head and palmed at her eyes. Would anything have worked? Was it fate, as Sothis had said? She shook her head. She wouldn't believe it as such.

Mercedes wrapped her arms around her professor, hushing her as she sobbed openly. "It's okay, Professor. I'm here with you."

After the professor quieted down, Mercedes left to get some tea and biscuits. When she returned, they talked some more. Handsome new knights they'd seen, books they've read, new recipes they'd learned--anything to change the mood and cheer the professor up. At noon, they joined up with Annette for lunch and then went shopping in town. They spent the rest of the evening in the lounge, enjoying tea and discussing the past. Mercedes and Annette were in the middle of a conversation about their time at the school of sorcery when Dedue called out to the professor.

Byleth excused herself from the two mages and joined Dedue by the doorway. "Evening," she greeted. "Is there something you need?"

"Your lock has been replaced," he said. "You may return to your room tonight, Professor."

"That's great news," Byleth said. "I'll let the girls know."

Dedue dipped his head in farewell and was about to leave but the professor placed a hand on his arm, holding him back.

"You're headed back to His Highness, right?"

Dedue nodded. "Yes."

"Could you tell him  _ thank you _ for me?"

Dedue's expression softened. "Understood," he said and left.

Byleth watched him until he turned down the corridor before returning to the chatting women.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments! Please leave them! They make me happy ; u ;


	8. Lone Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short, bitter, before the storm. Darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Please enjoy.

Two weeks was not enough time. There were too many meetings with Seteth. Sometimes knights would attend, sometimes Hanneman and Manuela would listen in. Byleth had no opportunity to come up with a structured lesson plan so when Monday morning classes crept up she quickly gave them some terrain charts, a hypothetical battle scenario, and told them to go crazy. A final battle strategy was due by Friday and that was that. She had another meeting with Seteth about evacuation procedures that she was already late to.

On Wednesday, a week before the Imperial army was estimated to arrive, Byleth managed to free up some time in the evening away from conferences and discussions. She had felt incredibly lonely for the past few weeks despite the fact she was always surrounded by people, as if the crowds highlighted an empty space within her. She made a dash for the training grounds, certain _ he _would be there, but it was empty. An inquiry at the knight's hall led her to turn right around and head for the stables.

Dimitri was already on a horse heading towards the knight's exit with Dedue in tow when she called out to them. The prince didn't want to stop and chat but did so on account of his affection for the woman. They all greeted each other before Byleth asked what the boys were up to.

"His Highness is going for a ride."

Byleth looked from Dedue to the prince and then back. "Alone?"

"I am not good with horses."

She let out a hum and mumbled, "I see."

The three stood around in silence. A feeling hung in the air between them, like something they wanted to say but couldn't.

"I would like to go," Byleth said. "Since Dedue cannot. His Highness shouldn't be out alone, especially at a time like this."

"Don't you have a meeting to attend?" Dimitri said.

"I have some free time. Besides, I'm your professor, right? You're my responsibility."

Dimitri could not object. She was right.

Byleth climbed atop a steed and rode out with Dimitri, former behind the latter, both keeping an eye out for enemy scouts. They did not speak. At times she thought he might have been trying to outride her, but she always found him again after weaving through some more trees. They stayed relatively close to the monastery walls, always keeping it in sight, even if its size diminished.

Some time in the middle of the night, Byleth convinced Dimitri to stop for a break. Their horses were getting tired and it was about that time, anyway. She took out the food and blankets Dedue had given them and made a small fire. She tied their horses to a tree, heated up the food, and set out the blankets. "Come sit," she said.

Dimitri helped himself to a bowl of stew and took a seat next to the professor. She wrapped a blanket around him and they huddled in the flickering light, silently eating.

"Headache?"

"Yes," he said.

She gave him some bread and he ate it. She wanted to talk about something but didn't know what. They didn't spend time alone anymore, since what happened in the Holy Tomb, and it felt like a chasm had opened up between them. At most she could be happy that they had this moment alone. She understood why he was so distant, but that didn't make it hurt any less. It felt like there was nothing she could do but watch him suffer. Would he be like this when they went back to Fhirdiad? She sucked her bottom lip in thought, worrying about the young man next to her. She leaned her head on his shoulder and was glad he didn't brush her off. In her heart, she whispered to him, "_ I'll be by your side forever, _" and resolved to protect him, no matter what.

They returned at sunrise, having spent about seven hours in the forested outskirts. As they ascended the dirt path of the alternate entryway, Byleth spotted a mop of green hair waiting for her by the gate. She bit her bottom lip.

"Good morning, Seteth..." she said.

"Where have you two been?" Seteth said.

Dimitri attempted to trot past the instructor but was blocked by knights.

Byleth looked from Dimitri's irritated expression to Seteth's disappointed one and climbed off her horse. "We went for a ride," she said as she handed the reigns to another knight.

"At a time like this?" Seteth said.

Byleth watched Seteth look at Dimitri and the desire to protect the young man overcame her. "It was my idea. I'm sorry," she said and bowed. "Dimitri had nothing to do with it. I brought him along. Please let him go."

Seteth sighed and waved off the knights blocking the prince. He returned to Byleth, crossing his arms, and said, "I'm deducting your pay for next month."

"Yes, I understand."

He placed a hand on Byleth's back, slowly guiding her through the gate. "Let's go. Some knights came up with a new plan last night and I'd like to go over it with you. There is only a week left and I would like it if we discussed some more."

She looked back at Dimitri, his image quickly disappearing around a building. "Okay..." she mumbled.

"I'm sorry for working you so hard. When we're done, you should rest," Seteth said, a modest smile on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had the most trouble writing from Byleth's point of view, to be honest. I see her so much as a blank slate, I forgot to actually think about her. Heh! This chapter is supposed to be about their growing distance, even before her disappearance, and that was hard for me. Young and crazy Dimitri is a bit too unpredictable for me to write ;;; I'm also trying to make it so the Church peeps are one-sidedly familial towards her after knowing the TRUTH. Prob gonna take her a while to really get it. Please leave a comment! Thank you for reading OTL


	9. Ethereal Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep getting distracted by other projects, sorry for the delay ; o ;

Darkness. As far as Byleth could see it was more of the same. A sense of uneasiness came over her, like she was back in that black dimension Solon had banished her to. Her uneasiness turned into panic and her wobbling footsteps turned into a full on sprint. She was looking for anything because she was afraid of there being nothing. It didn't matter whether she closed her eyes or had them open--everything was the same.

Something in the distance came into view. A person. A group of persons. They were her students, as if the Blue Lion class had come to save her. But when she reached out her hand their forms changed into that of their older selves. Visages shady and unfamiliar to her. Her hand recoiled and her gut fell. No, she didn't want this. All but one melted away into the darkness. Only the prince was left, his tall stature looming over her.

"Dimitri?" she said and he looked up at her, bags and a red nose. Dead eyes. She took a hesitant step toward him and he lunged at her, fingers around her throat. His expression was fierce. She clawed at his grip but he didn't let go.

"Where were you, Professor?" It wasn't his voice but a Blue Lions chorus, their voices distorted but recognizable.

"I'm sorry!" she cried.

"wHErE WeRE yOu, pRoFEsSor?"

She covered her ears and screamed.

Byleth rose from a sea of sleep. She was drenched in a cold sweat and her heart thumped painfully in her chest. She wiped her face and sobbed, reminding herself over and over again in her mind that it was just a dream. She took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her dusty room, and exhaled slowly. Nonetheless, tears pierced through her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, dropping onto her moth-eaten sheets. She thought of the accusatory chorus and shivered. She wrapped herself up with her arms as if holding herself together. She hadn't accepted her fears, so they came to see her in her sleep.

In the afternoon, Mercedes dropped by for tea and cake. She commented on how Byleth hadn't aged at all, and asked about the bags under her eyes.

Byleth complimented Mercedes' short hair, changing the topic, but the healer brought it up again.

"Have you not been getting good enough sleep, Professor?"

Mercedes had called her  _ professor _ again, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. She looked into the healer's eyes and saw half a decade there. Lost. Disconnected. She shivered.

Mercedes set down her cup. "Are you all right?" she said, her thick brows furrowing.

"Mercedes," Byleth began and took a deep breath.

"Hm?"

"Are we... friends, right?"

The brightest smile graced the blond woman's lips. "Of course!" she said, her laugh like jewels in the sun. "Why do you ask? Is something the matter?"

Byleth reached her hand out on the tiny table. "Could you hold my hand?"

Without a moment's delay, Mercedes firmly grasped Byleth's palm.

Byleth closed her eyes and imagined them walking on a river of stars. Her grip tightened as her resolve strengthened. She opened her eyes to Mercedes' curious gaze and said, "Is it really okay to still be everyone's  _ professor _ ? I'm sure that, over the half decade that has passed, everyone has learned so many things. Everyone feels like a stranger."

Mercedes gave a quick little sigh before standing up. She circled around the table and wrapped her arms around Byleth. "Of course," she said, her voice soft. "We may have learned new things--that is to be expected--but every day, you are still teaching us things we didn't know before. We still look up to you, Professor--we still trust you."

Byleth balled her fists in her lap, unable to accept anything. "I feel like... I have lost faith in myself."

"It's okay to worry about these things. It's natural. I'll be here with you every step of the way, okay?" Mercedes gave her a comforting squeeze. "Your leadership is exactly what we need. Now more than ever. None of us know how to help His Highness, but you are the most likely candidate to reach through to him."

Byleth blinked back her tears. "Me?"

"Yes! Now, how about we finish off this plate of cookies and take a walk with Annette around the monastery? I'm positive she will say the same things as I have."

"Okay," Byleth said and wiped her eyes. She smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments! Thank you for reading!


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